Call me grandma – I deserve it

Hello,

I’ve been sleeping every time I go home from school – I can feel myself age, getting weaker and duller each day. What will happen by the time I graduate three years from now? I bet I’ll be one of those stereotypical nerds you see on cheesy teen films and dramas. But seriously, I feel very unmotivated most of the time, like I was born with no backbone this whole time and my body is finally taking its toll trying to keep me upright. I also notice that I fear change, something new and the things alike. I hate the idea of someday having to move on from my comfortable life as the current me, and it scares me.

What if the people around me change?

What if I change?

Will everyone still act civil towards each other, or will they hate each other?

And when the time comes when I have to leave, will the strangers I meet will like me?

Will they shun me?

What about my future? Families? Jobs?

I don’t want to grow up.

I want to be rookieMANGAKA forever.

Even I notice Irene aging, like how sometimes she lags and her obviously old appearance. Even my friends would always point out on how old Irene is and would tell me to get a new laptop. But Irene is my friend – there’s no one in the whole universe like her. She doesn’t judge me or change. She’ll always be Irene. I don’t get why people can’t see just how important Irene is; they call her a mere laptop, and they call me a weirdo. That hurts Irene more than they realise it.

Then there’s Sally. She has been with me longer than Irene, and we’re still close to each other even though we don’t talk as much. She accompanies me every night and I love it. She can always tell if I feel worthless but would always leave me to my problems – I appreciate that. I, too, would pick up her aging signs, and would take into account at how much she looks like a rag-doll more than a white teddy bear. I wish I could help.

New people join our school every year, and many leave too. I feel empty when Wendy and Lily left, and then Richard just adds to my unhappiness. I mean, it’s good to have more people, but that would mean changing the whole scene entirely.

So enough about the depressing talk and move on to stories! I noticed that I didn’t post chapter 11, but I recalled doing so a long time ago. Maybe there was a problem in the publishing thing and it didn’t publish properly. So I will post chapters 11 and 13 today, and post chapter 4 tomorrow. I’ve listened to amazing songs lately and I’m planning to make a song-fic or two. Stay tuned!

-rookieMANGAKA

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